That was a REalTREAT

I think I'll just linger a little while longer
My flesh tries to flee but my spirit pleads to stay
Your presence is peaceful,
Your love's ever faithful, I'd ask for more years
But to You they appear just like a day

What will it be like when I see You?
In all of your glory and power?
Will I hear, "Well done, faithful servant,
You treasured your hours?"

May I be found in Your presence
Paying no mind to my needs
Consumed by Your infinite wonder
Content at Your feet

I think I'll just linger

"My child, did you linger
A little while longer?
Those good works and deeds
Are not what I need, I only want you"

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon His promise
And to know, "Thus saith the Lord"

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more
O for grace to trust Him more
O for grace to trust Him more.

-Linger : Warr Acres

Watching Now...

Take a moment to watch this and see if your views on the issue are changed.

Undeserving

Leeland- "Carried To The Table"

So, I'm in the middle of my third year of college and at the end of my spring break. These past couple of months have made me think about all that I have and how little I deserve it. I'm not sure if it was learning of the famine in Niger early last year or becoming more aware or attuned to the hurting people around me- on my drive to school, at work, and at school that made me realize how many things I have that I didn't work for. The more I realize how little those who don't have the joy of knowing Christ have, I realize how blessed I am and how undeserving I am of all that I have- including the grace shown upon me from my Lord. A few material blessings I am undeserving of are: the little lamp on this desk that's lighting my room so that I can see my keyboard to type, the heater I have blasting right next to me because my feet are cold, the food I ate today- I really don't deserve any of it. I didn't work for it, I don't deserve these things any more than a child in Congo does. It's truly a mystery to me for why God chose for me to sit here in such undeserving luxuries that I so often take for granted. I'm not saying this in a boasting way or to show that I have anything more than others- I am simply recounting all the things I have that I take for granted.

I haven't thought this much about my undeserving-ness (yes, I know that's not a real word) much until the past few months. I've always heard people say the phrases- "take a break, you deserve it." or "you deserve what's best" and not to put a damper on words that make people feel good but I've been thinking- honestly, the only thing I've actually ever deserved is death.....hell to be more precise. I'm a sinner and the wages I've earned is death! Lol I just might have lost all hopes of giving a pep-speech to anyone....But anyways, as I've slowly finished my first and rather brief walk through the Old Testament, and as I step into the New Testament, I've been moving through Matthew and also taking sneak peeks into the book of Romans. But as I move along, I notice that I've been stuck on a certain passage for the past couple of weeks, that in times past, I've only raced through not thinking twice about it let alone understanding it. It's tucked away in the 15th chapter of Mathew in between verses 21-28:

²¹ Jesus went away from there, and withdrew into the district of Tyre and Sidon. ²² And a Canaanite woman from that region came out and began to cry out, saying, “Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed.” ²³ But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, “Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us.” ²⁴ But He answered and said, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” ²⁵ But she came and began to bow down before Him, saying, “Lord, help me!” ²⁶ And He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.” ²⁷ But she said, “Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.” ²⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “O woman, your faith is great; it shall be done for you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed at once.

I stopped at this little section and as I stood, I realized that I was really confused at what just happened. I remember reading on into the next few chapters but thinking back I realize that I didn't get what was going on nor why Jesus was doing the things He did. It seemed out of character- Jesus ignoring this woman who is crying out for the Lord to heal her daughter. Why was He not answering her a word? Almost worse, why did He later compare her to a dog? In my confusion I started digging.
She was a Canaanite. Hmm does that give any clues or explain anything, Jerry? She was....an outsider, a Gentile- not part of the "commonwealth of Israel"- God's chosen people. So Jesus didn't answer to her cries; well, Jesus doesn't have to answer to anyone's cries (but God is merciful and He does). In this instance, Jesus waits without replying to her cries. So the disciples urge Jesus to do something like send her away because of all the ruckus she's making and Jesus (knowing that the disciples would have said something) instead replies, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." Now when I read this, I thought wow this seems pretty exclusive- Christ being sent only to the people of Israel- but then I realized I wasn't thinking about the whole picture. I was reminded of how the book of Matthew was written to paint a picture of Christ as the promised Messiah that the Jews would believe. So I kept reading until I stopped again hopelessly confused when the woman starts worshiping before Him and requests Jesus to help her. Jesus replies, "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." Here is where I stopped to think, Oh Lord, are you calling her a dog? As my hands held my Bible open, my eyes drifted to the bottom of the page where the commentary notes were written. As I looked for some guidance on this "dog" term, I read the following, "The lost sheep of the house of Israel must be fed before the "little dogs"- Christ employed a word here that speaks of a family pet. His words with this woman are not to be understood as harsh or unfeeling."
Oh, I breathed with a sigh of relief, my Lord isn't calling her a dog in a demeaning way- no He is communicating with her the radical truth that she is someone who had no chance to sit at the King's table and reap the benefits of being the child of a King. She replies, "Yes, Lord; but even the little pets feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table."

Wow, - she understands that she is a person who is interacting with a King, she doesn't deserve what she is asking for, yet in faith she asks despite her undeserving-ness. Despite what she knows she deserves, perhaps no chance of ever interacting with a Holy God let alone receive favor for her and healing for her daughter, she asks- hoping to receive GRACE, unmerited favor from the promised Messiah. Would I expect anything less from my Lord? He heals her daughter at once/immediately/within the very hour. No wonder why Christ is calling out her great faith.

If this isn't a better parallel to the thoughts going on in my head, I don't know what else is. I can sit here putting my feet in the dusty sandals of this Canaanite woman wondering at how such an undeserving person is able to receive such unmerited grace and favor from such a Holy God. I can think back to the Old Testament times when it was only the priests who were able to enter into the Holy Place to enjoy the presence of God, offer sacrifices and worship Him. Another picture of this unmerited favor shown on someone who was never expected to deserve it is seen in 2 Samuel 9 where King David carries Mephibosheth, the lame man, to the King's table to eat with him. Here, in the New Testament, this Canaanite woman is being carried to the table, after seeing how she was not part of Israel but still receiving grace and mercy from the Lord- what a beautiful picture of God's providential grace to all mankind- Jews and Gentiles alike. She didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it. She didn't work for it. I didn't work for it. This morning as I read Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." I was again reminded of this gift I didn't deserve. More important than the little lamp on this desk that's lighting my room so that I can see my keyboard to type, I now have the light of the world guiding my steps through this life. More important than the heater I have blasting right next to me because my feet are cold, I now have the healer who can melt my cold heart of stone. More important than the food I ate today, I have God's living word, the bread of life, my spiritual food that will endure forever. I take many things for granted but this one thing I have been reminded of is how important it is to not take my salvation for granted- for at one time I was not able to even step into the Holy Place, not able to know God or worship Him but He came and met me where I am, He decided to grant me, an undeserving sinner, unmerited grace and favor.

Some things that remind me of this wonderful gift that God has freely given me yet I didn't deserve:

1 Peter 2:10 "Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."

Ephesians 2:11-13 "Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called “uncircumcised” by those who call themselves “the circumcision” (which is done in the body by human hands)— ¹² remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. ¹³ But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ."
Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Ephesians 2: 19-22 "Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, ²⁰ built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. ²¹ In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. ²² And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."

1 John 3:1-3 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. ² Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. ³ All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.

1. Years I spent in vanity and pride,
   Caring not my Lord was crucified,
   Knowing not it was for me He died
     On Calvary.
• Mercy there was great, and grace was free;
  Pardon there was multiplied to me;
  There my burdened soul found liberty,
      At Calvary.
2. By God’s Word at last my sin I learned;
   Then I trembled at the law I’d spurned,
   Till my guilty soul imploring turned
     To Calvary.
3. Now I’ve giv’n to Jesus everything,
   Now I gladly own Him as my King,
   Now my raptured soul can only sing
     Of Calvary.
4. Oh, the love that drew salvation’s plan!
   Oh, the grace that brought it down to man!
   Oh, the mighty gulf that God did span
     At Calvary!

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/342#ixzz2NCrVmlji

Watching Now...

Random picture to break up the videos. =)

Watching now...

Living the Faith We Defend with Ravi Zacharias

Matthew 10:8

"-Freely you have received, freely give." The little nugget at the end of the verse (context, Jesus giving instruction to the disciples to use the authority He gave them freely, willingly, and impartially.)

Note made: Some things that I have been freely given that I can give out freely:
-Forgiveness
-Love
-Mercy
The list goes on...
The three things I find hardest to give without partiality I myself have been given freely.

The next time I question on what basis to grant forgiveness or love or mercy, I really hope I remember this verse. The basis should be none because freely I have received, so freely I should give.

"Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of."

                            

So, it's almost Christmas. Which means I'm on winter break. For the most part, my family doesn't go all out for Christmas. We usually put up lights outside and I'm sitting here staring at a tiny lit up Christmas tree on our window sill and that's about the extent of our Christmas celebration. We do get each other presents...sometimes....and I know better than to ask for presents because the last time I did, I ended up getting a lamp....haha true story. But luckily it was a very nice lamp given to me out of love and it currently sits on a desk in my room- the perfect accent piece. <--that's a little bit of the interior designer in me coming out. The only other thing other than gift giving is Christmas gives me the perfect excuse to eat cookies like a monster. Have I shared too much? I think so.

I'm on winter break now. Reflecting back, this past semester was a roller coaster ride. I felt like I went from 0 to 60 in the amount of exams and material to study. With each exam the amount of time to study for it felt shorter and shorter. Let's just say I'm glad this semester is over with. I'll say this year I am learning how to study. As this semester started I had ventured my way into 1 Chronicles. During this time, I was able to read through the life of David and his victories and shortcomings. He thought big and had big aspirations- 1 Chronicles 17:1 being just one out of many examples. Dwelling upon that idea of shortcomings, One thing that I started praying for was humility and God answered that prayer real quickly. I haven't even reached scratched the surface of true humility but God sure did show me in a matter of a weeks, throughout the course of one semester actually just how weak I am and just how BIG He is. One of my friends blogged a couple months ago about the same prayer request for humility he had and how God answered in a big way. One thing he wrote was he learned that "when you ask God to do something be ready for it to happen." Although for my friend, humility was a lesson learned while being on crutches, God decided to take me on a ride down Weakness Avenue. In the following weeks after that prayer, I was constantly reminded of my weaknesses and it was constant. Whether it was not doing well in school or realizing a lack of discipline in waking up early to study I realized how I constantly fell short of goals I set for myself. let alone how far short I fell while comparing myself to the God's standards If there's one thing that would keep me humble, it's that. I mean it's granted that no one is perfect but every so often I need the reminder that I had to be made perfect in the sight of God through the work of Christ. It's so easy for me to be critical of others but when God started reminding me of the "plank in my own eye" I'm realizing that how far short I fall when it comes to following even my own advice. So this post is not like my others in where I remind myself of what God has been telling me through His word, but it's more about what God has been teaching me through life these past weeks. One song that constantly replayed in my mind the weeks leading up to and following my request to God to show me His heart of humility was What Do I know of Holy by Addison Road. The words are so true, I really don't know anything about God or His holiness. I have only stood on the shore of the sea that He made let alone learn the depths of His love. So I know during this winter break I know God will continue to remind me of how weak I am and how frail my life really is to think I can figure it all out on my own. Because when things go wrong, I come running back to God knowing He is the only one that can fix it. The other day I hurt my back and although I found it comical that the words of Paul resounded in my head, "there was given me a thorn in the flesh" but as that phrase kept resonating in my head, I realized how true the rest of that chapter is.

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
- 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
This past semester, I fell asleep early and woke up late, I missed important quizzes, I did poorly on exams after studying hard (or so I thought)...there were a great number of other weaknesses I discovered which all served as instruments in letting me learn just slightly how big God really is. Even after messing up badly in school this semester, God truly made a miracle for me when I brought my weaknesses to Him and asked Him to be my strength and carry me through. I honestly just don't understand what God would see in a piece of dust to help me dig myself out of the hole I so often put myself into. It's really these moments when I see how weak I am that I realize who exactly God is and how big He is. So yeah, my last post of the year and it's basically me saying I don't know squat about anything except that God is big. How big exactly? I hope to learn more about that in the coming year.


A few sidebars of non-pharmacy related lessons learned on campus:

1. For a few months after arriving early most mornings at my school's cafeteria, I started thanking to a cleaning lady. I had hoped that I would be able to encourage her by letting her know that what she does is noticed and appreciated. I also started praying that God would open up an opportunity for me to share the Gospel to her. And so one morning as I arrived early, I proceeded to mention what God had been teaching me to her and she exclaimed, "Oh! My husband and I read a verse about that at our Bible study last week!" I was stunned. (Although I probably shouldn't have been) But God certainly taught me that if I take the time out to just talk to people, those people may even serve as sources of encouragement to me in a school where a majority aren't believers. It was still pretty cool, expecting to have to search for a way to share the good news of Christ while this lady already believed it! I met a new sister in Christ who encourages me and is the first person I see on campus every morning!

2. Tell the Truth.
As I stated earlier, this semester I started to learn all about my weaknesses. One of those said weaknesses caused me to actually contemplate lying to the teacher about a situation I had gotten myself into in the hopes of getting a quick fix. The major battle I had to face was deciding to fess up and admit to my weakness or lie about it and cover it all up. But God was faithful in reminding me every moment I contemplated sinning of what happened when David tried to cover up his own mistakes with lies and how it snowballed into many more sins. I felt like I was in a free-fall after deciding to tell the truth about the situation but God reminded me to obey Him no matter what the cost and trust Him with the consequences. After I saw how beautifully He delivered me when I told the truth, I realized how silly it was of me to even consider lying about it in the first place- weakness noted Jerry, so when stuck in a rut, even if you yourself created the rut, it's better to just be honest.

This year has been a roller coaster ride but to sum it up in a few lines:

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?