"Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of."

                            

So, it's almost Christmas. Which means I'm on winter break. For the most part, my family doesn't go all out for Christmas. We usually put up lights outside and I'm sitting here staring at a tiny lit up Christmas tree on our window sill and that's about the extent of our Christmas celebration. We do get each other presents...sometimes....and I know better than to ask for presents because the last time I did, I ended up getting a lamp....haha true story. But luckily it was a very nice lamp given to me out of love and it currently sits on a desk in my room- the perfect accent piece. <--that's a little bit of the interior designer in me coming out. The only other thing other than gift giving is Christmas gives me the perfect excuse to eat cookies like a monster. Have I shared too much? I think so.

I'm on winter break now. Reflecting back, this past semester was a roller coaster ride. I felt like I went from 0 to 60 in the amount of exams and material to study. With each exam the amount of time to study for it felt shorter and shorter. Let's just say I'm glad this semester is over with. I'll say this year I am learning how to study. As this semester started I had ventured my way into 1 Chronicles. During this time, I was able to read through the life of David and his victories and shortcomings. He thought big and had big aspirations- 1 Chronicles 17:1 being just one out of many examples. Dwelling upon that idea of shortcomings, One thing that I started praying for was humility and God answered that prayer real quickly. I haven't even reached scratched the surface of true humility but God sure did show me in a matter of a weeks, throughout the course of one semester actually just how weak I am and just how BIG He is. One of my friends blogged a couple months ago about the same prayer request for humility he had and how God answered in a big way. One thing he wrote was he learned that "when you ask God to do something be ready for it to happen." Although for my friend, humility was a lesson learned while being on crutches, God decided to take me on a ride down Weakness Avenue. In the following weeks after that prayer, I was constantly reminded of my weaknesses and it was constant. Whether it was not doing well in school or realizing a lack of discipline in waking up early to study I realized how I constantly fell short of goals I set for myself. let alone how far short I fell while comparing myself to the God's standards If there's one thing that would keep me humble, it's that. I mean it's granted that no one is perfect but every so often I need the reminder that I had to be made perfect in the sight of God through the work of Christ. It's so easy for me to be critical of others but when God started reminding me of the "plank in my own eye" I'm realizing that how far short I fall when it comes to following even my own advice. So this post is not like my others in where I remind myself of what God has been telling me through His word, but it's more about what God has been teaching me through life these past weeks. One song that constantly replayed in my mind the weeks leading up to and following my request to God to show me His heart of humility was What Do I know of Holy by Addison Road. The words are so true, I really don't know anything about God or His holiness. I have only stood on the shore of the sea that He made let alone learn the depths of His love. So I know during this winter break I know God will continue to remind me of how weak I am and how frail my life really is to think I can figure it all out on my own. Because when things go wrong, I come running back to God knowing He is the only one that can fix it. The other day I hurt my back and although I found it comical that the words of Paul resounded in my head, "there was given me a thorn in the flesh" but as that phrase kept resonating in my head, I realized how true the rest of that chapter is.

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
- 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
This past semester, I fell asleep early and woke up late, I missed important quizzes, I did poorly on exams after studying hard (or so I thought)...there were a great number of other weaknesses I discovered which all served as instruments in letting me learn just slightly how big God really is. Even after messing up badly in school this semester, God truly made a miracle for me when I brought my weaknesses to Him and asked Him to be my strength and carry me through. I honestly just don't understand what God would see in a piece of dust to help me dig myself out of the hole I so often put myself into. It's really these moments when I see how weak I am that I realize who exactly God is and how big He is. So yeah, my last post of the year and it's basically me saying I don't know squat about anything except that God is big. How big exactly? I hope to learn more about that in the coming year.


A few sidebars of non-pharmacy related lessons learned on campus:

1. For a few months after arriving early most mornings at my school's cafeteria, I started thanking to a cleaning lady. I had hoped that I would be able to encourage her by letting her know that what she does is noticed and appreciated. I also started praying that God would open up an opportunity for me to share the Gospel to her. And so one morning as I arrived early, I proceeded to mention what God had been teaching me to her and she exclaimed, "Oh! My husband and I read a verse about that at our Bible study last week!" I was stunned. (Although I probably shouldn't have been) But God certainly taught me that if I take the time out to just talk to people, those people may even serve as sources of encouragement to me in a school where a majority aren't believers. It was still pretty cool, expecting to have to search for a way to share the good news of Christ while this lady already believed it! I met a new sister in Christ who encourages me and is the first person I see on campus every morning!

2. Tell the Truth.
As I stated earlier, this semester I started to learn all about my weaknesses. One of those said weaknesses caused me to actually contemplate lying to the teacher about a situation I had gotten myself into in the hopes of getting a quick fix. The major battle I had to face was deciding to fess up and admit to my weakness or lie about it and cover it all up. But God was faithful in reminding me every moment I contemplated sinning of what happened when David tried to cover up his own mistakes with lies and how it snowballed into many more sins. I felt like I was in a free-fall after deciding to tell the truth about the situation but God reminded me to obey Him no matter what the cost and trust Him with the consequences. After I saw how beautifully He delivered me when I told the truth, I realized how silly it was of me to even consider lying about it in the first place- weakness noted Jerry, so when stuck in a rut, even if you yourself created the rut, it's better to just be honest.

This year has been a roller coaster ride but to sum it up in a few lines:

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?