Wedding Bells and Police Sirens

2 years have passed since I met Daniel. Three months have passed since I heard the wedding bells that ushered me into a new phase of life. Thankfully I haven't heard too many police sirens yet but I have learned a lot so far. Today is his birthday and although I've been contemplating what my next post would be for a while, I found it fit to post today, on his birthday, the lessons he has helped me learn over the past 2 years.

The effects of living life in fear:
Being married to a police officer who works in Camden brings new challenges of fear daily. Fear for his safety and/or well-being. Fear for what he has to see or be exposed to. Police officers run to danger when many others are running away from it. Police officers usually see us at our worst times in life and daily make it their job to come to provide us with the help we need. When we were courting, one of my main concerns was his job and the life that comes with being married to someone in such a dangerous profession. He reminded me that if there was someone in a profession that needed to be placed in life or death situations, it is good that it be someone who knows the Lord and knows for sure where his eternity will be. Never thought of it that way but that's what being married to someone does- expand perspectives. One of the main thoughts that kept coming to my mind was, anything can happen to anyone at anytime-would that reality prevent me from truly living life? I was faced with the reality that although his job is by nature dangerous, I myself could walk out the door one day and that could be my last day on earth. I can't live life in fear because that in fact is the opposite of living. I've learned that my fears are usually the outward expression of what I trust God with the least. It amazes me how many times Jesus tells his disciples to not be afraid. To this day, I struggle with fears and worries and continue to pray and work towards worrying less and trusting God more. I am thankful that there is true peace that comes as a result of having an actual relationship with God--if I didn't have that, there would be absolutely no hope.

John 16:33- I [Jesus] have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I [Jesus] have overcome the world.
[clarifications, mine].

Slow down and say, no:
We sat down and watched A Christmas Carol the other evening. For those of you who don't know, now you know: it was the classic 1970's film version on Ebenezer Scrooge. As the opening credits moved across the screen, I grabbed the remote to fast forward through to the beginning of the movie. Dan jokingly jabbed something along the lines of: You must be part of the instant-gram and instant gratification-millennials who cant even spare 30 seconds for an opening credit. . I heard the remark and chuckled and begrudgingly sat through the opening credits to prove that I could do it. As I did, I realized that a lot of what I do now has little to do with enjoying the experience of what is right in front of me and more with fast-forwarding to the good/better parts of life--almost cushioning myself in a bubble of pleasure, leaving no room for practicing perseverance. I've forgotten what it feels like to just sit and be patient. I've forgotten that I don't need to fulfill every urge that my body has at the expense of ignoring my mind. I've been to third-world countries where people simply don't have a choice to fast-forward to a better anything and yet, somehow they smile and laugh and enjoy the same simple pleasures of life together with a community rather than with a stark screen that tries to emulate the concept of community with "friends" and "followers". From observing those in my parent's and grandparent's generation who didn't have the choice to choose to fast-forward to only view better more pleasurable things in life, I find that they somehow are also better equipped to handle the no's they hear. I, in contrast, want everything now, and I want it fast--it's the result of living in a time of prosperity--it didn't feel good when I had to sit and force myself to watch the opening list of names of people who worked hard to provide a classic film for my entertainment now but I liked the challenge of saying no to myself. Wow, the horrific first-world problem of saying no to fast-forwarding past opening credits. And, I've concluded that I should do it more often--not simply as a pointless exercise but to exercise discipline.

Hebrew 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Be content with less so you can give more:
I've always heard of the principle of asking myself whether something I want to purchase is an actual "want" or a "need". Over the past 2 years and 3 months, I've seen how Dan rarely buys himself something so that he can save more to give much more to others. It's a practice I've admired and I hope it rubs off on me. This week itself I unsubscribed from 3 email subscriptions to Gap, Madewell and Old Navy since I noticed that I shop online more as I see more sale advertisements. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about neglecting self but definitely being content with less and foregoing some of the things I don't really need. Simply put, the more stuff I have, the more time, energy and effort goes in to cleaning, maintaining and repairing it. Less stuff, more space, more time to spend with people (which is what truly matters) over things. I've concluded that if I focus on saying no to more things and being content with less, then I will have more time to invest in people, relationships and actually having more to give to others.

1 Timothy 6:6-12- But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. 

Get out of your comfort zone:
Dan took me to Camden the night before thanksgiving to a church service that was giving food to the hungry and more importantly sharing the love of Christ to the people there. To be completely honest, I was terrified. I sat there stiff as a board wincing at the stench of illegal marijuana in the air. As I sat there thinking I am not sure what will happen before the end of this evening, I hoped and prayed that at-least one person there would understand that God loves them and wants a relationship with them. That night in addition to the previous time I went to the heart of Camden, I learned that going out of our comfort zone is what we're called to do as Christians. It is where God shows His power rather than us relying on our own strength. The church is not to be sitting inside the comfort of our 4 walls but instead using our hands and feet to get out into the world and be a light, trusting that God will be faithful to His word. What have we got to lose? To those living out of your comfort zone, keep up the good work. I am slowly learning what you have been practicing and I am sure that God is teaching me to continue going out of my comfort zone to bring comfort to those who need it most.

John 3:16- For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 10:9- If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

2 Corinthians 1:3- Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Embrace differences:
Daniel and I are VERY different from each other. At the beginning stages of our courting, I often times would become frustrated that we were both very different from each other in regards to "superficial" things such as hobbies, leisure time activities, culinary preferences etc. and at the time, the ONLY thing we had in common at the time were spiritual matters- our faith that the Bible is the truth and that Jesus is who He says He is. We also agreed that we would like to live a life in accordance with the patterns seen in the New Testament and biblical principles of what it means to live a God-fearing life. Obviously I thought how silly that I'm frustrated that we agree on deep, complex and fundamental beliefs however are at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to superficial, minimal and mundane every day preferences. At the time when I would express and communicate my frustration to Dan, he would remind me that we would be alright if we embraced each other's differences rather than seeking to make both of us into each other. Ultimately if we both sought to imitate one person, Jesus, we would be more than okay. So far, he's been right- I am learning to embrace the differences between us. It brings variety and keeps life with a spouse interesting. He once asked me if I could imagine how boring life would be if I was the same as him or if he was the same as me--oddly I'm seeing his point. When we go to a restaurant, we both order very different meals and share so we can try the *different* items. Dan enjoys reading during his spare time, I enjoy doing that when I'm sitting on a train or on a rainy day. With each day that passes, I experience how media, be it social or screen or print, aims to feed our own view points and block out any opposing view point. For example, the likes and comments we make on platforms such as facebook/instagram/youtube are tracked and remembered so that the app/site provide us with more and more of what we LIKE...more of what we agree with.....more of things similar to everything we find pleasurable--why? more pleasure, more usage--more usage, more profit. The unfortunate side effect: less time with different people/views/perspectives, more time staring at screens or listening to voices that are almost carbon copies of everything we like, want and find pleasurable in the world. All sunshine to keep us happy, no rain to force us to grow. If there's one thing that I appreciate the most out of all of these different lessons life with Dan has taught me, it is to embrace our differences and use our different strengths to build each other up rather than tearing us down.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

Thank you, Dan and happy birthday! I hope and pray we get to spend many more years together growing, learning, praying and serving however we can. You've taught me so much in the limited time we've spent together and I thank God that I said yes to you 3 months ago. You are an amazing man and you are loved more than you know.

*End sappy wife post.*

A letter to myself...

60 days.

A letter? I meant a two worded reminder.

[Un]-Expected.

I have been thinking about this one phrase recently: The Unexpected. 
It's been all around me for the past year and a half. Lurking around every corner.....at the beginning or end of a month.....sometimes during the middle of the day--it catches me off-guard! I become startled by it but then catch my breath again and learn how to breathe again, this time, with deeper and fuller breaths than before. Maybe I over-dramatized my description of what happens to me when the unexpected happens....hopefully you weren't expecting that. 
............
I'm learning how to be thankful for the unexpected. It's usually something I don't look forward to. I didn't expect my grandma and aunt to pass away last year. I didn't expect my brother-in-law to face pancreatic cancer this year. I didn't expect my own life to have taken the current path it's on. The more I ponder the effects of these encounters I have with the un-expected, I am realizing that it tends to teach me more than circumstances I expected in life would. 
............
When I think upon familiar characters in the Bible who faced unexpected circumstances, one person in particular comes to mind: Mary. Her reaction to the unexpected news that she would be *expecting* to give birth soon left me speechless.
Here it is:

Luke 1: 38: Mary answered, “I am the Lord’s servant. Let everything you’ve said happen to me.”

My reaction would not have been as graceful and humble as Mary's. I am realizing that the unexpected pushes me out of my comfort zone. It transforms my resistance into resilience and is teaching me to take my gaze off of the unexpected circumstance but instead look onto who God is. He is the only constant through life's unexpected and expected times. Anyone who has walked closely with me the past two years has probably seen a more close-up and personal look into how I have been learning to deal with/embrace/learn from the unexpected. I suppose I'll write a memoir detailing those experiences one day. For myself, I have a hard time giving up control and letting the unexpected run its course. If there is one thing I've learned this past year about the unexpected, it is: Learning to embrace the unexpected is scary and uncomfortable, but in that very place is where a little flame called Faith learns to grow.


I wasn't expecting myself to write another blog post yet here I am.....considering the thought of picking this up again. There have been so many lessons the Lord has been teaching me through the unexpected. I hope to clearly articulate my own thoughts in a way that I can look back on these posts I write as reminders to myself of what I'm being taught through life. That is the purpose behind picking this up again. So what can be expected as a result of this blog post? 

An unexpected next blog post.

Currently Following This Series...

10 Part Series on The Church
Study guide that goes along with the series: The Church: Masterpiece of the Ages - J.B. Nicholson, Jr.

Motives and Perspective

I've had the pleasure of meeting Bryan Stoudt at the weekly USciences Christian Fellowship meetings I attended while at school. He recently published this post on his blog and the title certainly caught my attention. I think his post is a good perspective on one thing to keep in mind when considering whether the Lord wants one to stay or leave a community of believers. I've left the link below so I can look back and take a read whenever I stumble upon it again.

http://www.bryanstoudt.com/before-you-leave-your-church-make-sure-you-consider-this/

Love

Lessons learned over half a decade...

This week, I started my first clinical. I can't believe I just wrote that very sentence. The thought of me finishing 5 years of school is pretty unbelievable to me especially the fact that I survived by the skin of my teeth most of the time. I'm not ashamed or afraid to admit it. I like to believe God was keeping me in check, reminding me that it's only through His grace and His will that I came out of the battle zone without any scars. However, going through the challenge of a rigorous program has pushed me in ways that being anywhere else would not have. In this post, I'd like to learn the lessons I've learned over the past 5 years so that I can have something to look back on and remind myself....and hopefully anyone whose reading this will be encouraged by.

YEAR ONE:
Choose Your Friends Wisely.
Before beginning college, I remember getting advised to pray for good friends. It seemed like a wise proposition so I took the advice to heart and acted on it. I prayed that God would give me company who wouldn't pressure me to participate in anything I was convicted not to do. God delivered. While going through college, friends are who you spent a lot of time with. Where they go, you end up going, what they do, you might end up doing. It's a good idea to surround yourself with company who will accept you as you are and will understand when you do not want to participate in something you feel is wrong or just not for you. Even when my friends went to places I didn't want to go to, I searched for activities I could do on my own or with another set of people. Especially while being away from home, I had the choice to use my freedom wisely or not so wisely. So if I had to choose one out of the many lessons I learned during my first year of college, it's the choice to pray and seek out good company.

1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

YEAR TWO:
It's a hard knock life as a commuter...so plan ahead.
I commuted for the first 3 years of college. School wasn't too far away but during rush hour, a commute that would usually be around 25 minutes could take up to an hour. The drive to the city and back from school would be almost as draining as taking an exam....almost. I learned how to weave in and out of traffic and pedestrians but what still makes me quiver each time I drive into the city would be....BIKERS. There's some bikers who just don't know how to ride on the road, running stop signs and turning without warning. I would often wait at school for traffic to die down. It was tough knowing that I had to wake up 2 hours before my friends had to and leave when they were going to hang out together. It was imperative that I planned ahead what books/folders/meals I needed to take with my in the morning because if I forgot something, well, there's no getting it till the next day (and believe me I forgot things which is why I'm saying the importance of planning ahead.) I was the kid walking across campus with a camper's backpack full of books and my meal for the day. Looking back, it was pretty funny, but I learned that I just had to do what I had to do. I learned how to pump gas, pay for gas, keep the car clean and what NOT to do when the car engine overheats...but that's a story for another day.

YEAR THREE:
Obey God and trust Him with the consequences.
I heard that quote in a message several years ago. My third year of college is when this principle showed true. I was on the verge of failing a class, I needed every point possible. Of course, me being me, I fell asleep early and missed taking a quiz that was due at 11pm. I woke up to my mom telling me to go sleep on the bed instead of on the floor. I realized that it was 2 am and I had missed my quiz. I couldn't go back to sleep, I felt terrible, irresponsible and scared. When my mom left for work at 4 am, I drove to school (yes, that early...did I mention I was on the verge of failing a class?)...I asked a security guard to open a building and I sat outside the professors office till 7 am thinking up of what lie or story I could possible say for her to give me another chance at the quiz. (I had heard that this professor was one tough cookie). As I pondered a grand lie which she could poke no hole in, I was reminded of David and Bathsheba. One sin led to another which led to something bigger which ended up in people dying. I knew that if I said this grand lie today, I would have to keep lying. When the professor arrived at her office, I prayed, "Lord, I'm going to obey You and trust You with the consequences." I told the professor that I fell asleep before taking the quiz and I thought it was only fair to let her know the truth about what happened. Thankfully, she showed me mercy and let me take the quiz. Even if she didn't, I'm sure the principle still stands: Obey God and trust Him with the consequences.


Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

YEAR FOUR:
Prayer changes things.
After being so close to failing in the previous year and forgetting things at home, my long commutes and just feeling burnt out, I was presented with the opportunity to live with a roommate on campus. The idea of talking to my parents about moving out to a college that's 25 minutes away (without traffic of course) and living with a complete stranger (who was referred to me by a friend) seemed like a fruitless notion. But, I took the risk and decided to ask my parents on a certain Monday. A big resounding NO was the answer I received when I brought up the idea/suggestion/request to them. I stated all my reasons behind the thought/suggestion/request in a respectful, logical, and reasonable manner. But they both repeated....NO. I had to give a final answer to this prospective roommate in a couple days. So I looked at my parents and said, why don't you both pray about it and let me know by Thursday. I decided to pray that God would show me if this is what He wanted me to do and since He placed my parents as an authority in my life, if they said yes after earnestly praying then I would take it as an okay from God and if they said no after praying, I would take it as a no from God. Thursday rolled around. After family prayer, I brought the topic up again. My parents response: "We prayed about it and we decided that it's up to you. We will support you if you choose to live at school or stay at home." I stood there stunned....then I looked up and asked God, "Really God? I asked for a yes being a yes and a no meaning a no." I like to think God wanted me to really think about if I wanted to do this. I chose to live on campus for the last two years of school and let's just say I know God wanted me to. I'm glad the Lord showed me how imperfect I am and how my job is just to share the truth of what a perfect God did for us humans to my roommates. Lessons learned through the experience of living with strangers is for another day as well. But if I had to choose one lesson, it is that prayer changes things.

Phillipians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

YEAR FIVE:
Sometimes for the greater good, sacrifices must be made.
Ever since third year of college I was almost always on the verge of failing something. This year was no different. I was on the verge of failing 2 classes in my last year of sitting in classes. Yes, I am not ashamed to say that however far I got in college and will get in life is all by God's grace and hopefully me following wherever He wants me to be. I'm not smart or anything super. This is also not a "put-down Jerry" session I'm having for myself. I'm simply just reminding myself that I am whatever I am today because of God's love, mercy and grace and I accept that. Because I had to get my act together in regards to course work, I had to cut out a lot of things. Missing family events, friend get-togethers, church conferences and events made me so sad and I was often left wondering if this is worth it all. Whatever the case, I knew that God placed me at that school and if I was going to make it through, I needed to focus and do my part.

YEAR SIX: has just begun and I know there'll be many lessons I learn during this next year. I'm looking forward to it. Maybe I'll even start blogging more now that classes are over.........maybe. #lazyblogger.